Fruit by Bekah....Not

Yesterday sucked.  I knew even walking through the day it sucked because of me, my choices, my poor perspective, my attitude, but even still I continued to let it suck.  Ever do that?  I did it for 3 days straight.  This morning I decided I was sick of the days being miserable.  I am sick of yelling at my kids, feeling full of anxiety and overwhelmed when I can’t “control” things.  

I turned to Jesus & asked for help.  Real help, not a good little “Jesus fix” to get me through the day.  Something has to change.  I don’t want to be the way I am & I don’t want to have 2 good days only to go back to my old ways after that.  I want to see fruit.  Do you ever get sick of seasons you feel like you’re not seeing any fruit in your life?  I do.  I’m in one now.  I want out.  I want to grow & experience change in the areas that continue to press down and discourage me.  I want to walk in in the truth that sets me free.  Truly free.

As I took time to ask Jesus for help, I realized I want to see fruit for free, based on my ability to produce it.  Ha! Like I could ever produce anything on my own.  And yet knowing this to be true, my foolish flesh goes back time & time again thinking I can.

I try to change my attitude on my own.  Oh don’t get me wrong, I’ll throw up a few “Help me Jesus” prayers here & there but theres no real meditating on His truth that sets me free.  Theres no real conversations going on to discuss the matters.  Unless you count my one sided conversation in which I talk, Jesus listens, & then Im off to the next thing on the to-do list because who has time to wait for Him to respond?

Something has to change & its me.  Its my priorities.  I know the key is all in knowing Jesus more.  I started wrestling in my mind about this.  Sometimes my flesh gets in the way & I feel like I already know Jesus.  How can I know Him better?  I don’t know what TO DO.  As if everything should be a quick simple formula fix & if I follow A, B, & C, I will then immediately know Jesus better & my problems will be fixed. 

It is simple, but its not a quick fix.  The Lord showed me John 15:4-5,8

“Abide in me & I in you.  As the branch CANNOT BEAR FRUIT OF ITSELF unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in me.  I am the vine & you are the branches, he who abides in me & I in him, he bears much fruit for apart from me you can do NOTHING.  8 By this is My Father glorified that you bear much fruit & so prove to be my disciples.

This is the truth that is setting me free this morning.  Abiding in Him is the key.  Taking the time to let Him be my teacher & not allowing life to get in the way of knowing Jesus.  I get one life to live, & this day I am in now I won’t get back.  Today I choose to fix my thoughts on Jesus, remembering I am a NEW creation, the old is past, the new has come.  I choose to draw my strength from Him & be the woman He created me to be.  Why don’t you join me?